A lot of okes ask me about the whole rhino horn thing that’s going on at the moment. If you don’t know what it is, basically, okes are killing rhinos and chopping off their horns, then selling them in the east to other okes who grind them up and schnarf them up their noses.

A lot of okes get lank emotional about this issue and post pictures of dead rhinos on their facebook walls. Okes get lank worked up and reckon that whoever kills these, ‘majestic beasts’ should be mutilated and killed.

I’d like to raise a couple of points.

First of all, who’s to say that rhinos are so great and majestic anyway? Those things weigh like two tons and they’re grey. Their skin is wrinkly and they have horns.

Also, okes get lank caught up in the moment, and carried away with shit. Everyday a couple of million pigs get killed and so do cows and chickens and all sorts of other things. Okes click, ‘like’ on a picture about a dead rhino and write underneath it: this is so sad. Then they choz a chicken salad. What about the chicken?

They say it’s worse if the rhino dies cause there’s only a few rhinos left in the world and millions of chickens. But we’ve already figured out how to clone shit so if they all die out then we can just clone new ones. And then we can breed shit loads of them in factory farms and start eating rhino salad. That way okes won’t get so freaked out about it.

Secondly, people are the only animals that have the need to campaign to save other animals. You reckon if there were like a few hundred people left in the world and some rhinos were killing them to eat their noses then other rhinos would post on their hornbook walls and say how tragic it was? No ways! They’d just let the humans die, cause it’s natural. And rhinos don’t even know how to clone shit, so it would really be the very end of humans!

Finally, the reason that okes sell that shit in the east is because Asians believe that if you grind down a rhino horn and schnarf it then you’ll get a lank big erection. Okes say shit like: that’s so sick! How dirty are those Asians schnarfing those ground up horns! But my question is: have you ever tried it? Do you know for sure that it doesn’t work? I don’t. And what if it does work and it’s the only way that some okes can get it up? If they can’t access rhino horn then they can’t have sex and they can’t make babies. So imagine the oke that could have been born but wasn’t, cause the guy who was going to be his father couldn’t get rhino horn! If you’re responsible for stopping the oke getting his rhino horn you have prevented a life, which is basically the same as murder.